One week ago, the first edition of the NWSL Challenge Cup came to a close. The Houston Dash blanked the Chicago Red Stars in a 2-0 win that attracted over 653,000 followers on CBS Sports Network. I watched the game from my couch at home in Arlington, Virginia, hundreds of miles from the field that I wanted my team, the OL Reign, to be competing on. My competitive side was pissed that we weren’t there, and yes, you can say that I was pretty salty about it. But on a more practical side, I kept thinking about the bubble that everyone in the NWSL endured for a month to bring sports back to our lives and to the country. The "bubble," refers to a designated space where those inside must follow a strict set of COVID-19 protocols and procedures in order to keep all of those involved healthy and safe. And in my reflection I recognized that my own thoughts weren’t enough, so I reached out to other players in the league -- Tziarra King, Sofia Huerta, and Estelle Johnson -- who have also been able to think about their time throughout the tournament.
For almost three and a half weeks, I woke up in a hotel bed, walked down the hall to a meal room for breakfast, took a team-designated shuttle to training, trained, returned to the hotel, did some pool recovery, showered, and ate in that same meal room for lunch. On certain days, when we were lucky, we left the hotel again to go play a game, or if things got really crazy we left the hotel twice in a day to go get a swab shoved up our nose all the way to our brains.
Since returning to the DMV coaches and peers have asked, “So how was ‘the bubble’? I can’t imagine how stressful that all must have been.”
I guess the short answer is, yes, it was extremely draining to remain confined to two floors of a hotel, only leaving to go to training, games, or COVID testing. Having my nasal passage invaded every three days wasn’t great, but it wasn’t world-ending, either. Despite all of that suffocation I found myself making new friends and cultivating meaningful relationships. All of that might not have happened if we weren’t on a necessary lockdown. Our laundry was washed for us, and the hotel staff worked with our team to reserve times for the hotel gym and pool area to be accessed only by our team for things like recovery and extra workout sessions. Our food was catered to us, and we had full access to necessary treatments and massages. So, from the outside I guess you can ask: could it be that bad? The only part that I can confirm is that the league food was terrible, full-stop. But even that was fixed thanks to our amazing staff, particularly Brynn Sebring, who made sure we had everything we possibly needed to feel comfortable given the circumstances.
“So then, what did you do on a day-to-day basis?” others ask. To be honest, I didn’t do much other than keep myself entertained on one floor of a hotel.
I DoorDash-ed snacks and food more than I ever have before. I played jumbo-sized Jenga. I tried coffee for the first time...and kinda liked it. I barely improved at arcade basketball...yes the one where the hoop is only 2 feet from the line and the balls are palm-sized. I had talks and discussions about being Black and American Indian with my teammates during book club meetings. I did fun photoshoots with two of the best to work the camera, Nils Clauson (@nilsclauson) and Logan Barton-Rowledge (@loganmbr). I watched two seasons of Ozark with three other teammates that have since become like sisters to me in one short month. I watched Disney movies with another teammate who also has become like a sister to me. I had conversations about the LGBTQIA+ community, and realized that I had a lot to learn and understand in becoming a better ally to my teammates and friends. Oh, and in between all of that, I became a better soccer player.
To start, I got some thoughts from Tziarra "Zee" King, another rookie, who plays for the Utah Royals. She got on the field and made an impact instantly, like she always does, and scored her first professional goal against the Houston Dash. I’ve been able to watch her from afar; having played in the ACC together, we had the fun pleasure of facing off once or twice a year :) She has graciously contributed her thoughts to ‘Our Daily Bread’ before, but I asked her about her own experiences in the bubble. Since Zee was technically in “home market,” in Utah, I wondered if there was anything different about having access to her own facilities and training grounds. There was definitely comfort in being able to go “home” to her own apartment, but at the end of the day, this season has been so unpredictable that no one has been able to make themselves at home in any situation that we have been put in. She continued, “While the bubble might have been challenging for many, and it was for me at times as well, I’m lucky that my bubble experience had more positives than negatives. One of the things that made it so enjoyable was having time to spend with my new teammates. Some of the coolest people I’ve ever met.” In thinking about Zee's reflection on the bubble, I too realized that other than the fact that we were able to literally play soccer games, my teammates and the relationships that I established with them were the best part about the bubble. I feel like that's what always happens, though. You go to sleep away camp for a couple weeks and have a totally amazing and unforgettable experience with people. And then you go back to your normal lives and those memories fade, as do the relationships. So then why do these recent experiences feel so different?
Throughout all of the uncertainty that 2020 has given everyone, there has been a general comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one going through my specific situation. There are so many athletes who crave the normalcy of a regular season with fans, and goals, and progress. But in this pandemic we have had to readjust, and one thing that I think Zee targets so well is how we all relate to each other throughout that process. We all spent time apart, alone, with just a wall to pass with, and to finally have an opportunity to play with and for other people was so natural. But even more than on the field, the bubble created an environment where we all were able to spend genuine time getting to know other people...because what else were we going to do in our down time? I guess it naturally makes sense that we all became inseparable.
Sofia Huerta, who has spent six years in the NWSL, and has experience with the full USWNT, is new, like me, to the OL Reign fam this year. In talking with her about her Challenge Cup experience, she refers to the nerves she felt in joining a new team and establishing where and how she would “mesh” with everyone. In conjunction with nerves, I wondered if the unpredictability of the entire season was as jarring to her as it was to me, a new face in the league, to which she responded, “This is my sixth season in the NWSL, so I don’t really get surprised by anything anymore...it was hard having this experience, harder than any other year we’ve had.” Even though there are so many athletes in the league eager to get back out on the field, there is still a level of stress that we have faced to make it all happen as players. “Being able to get back with the team to play was something more exciting than anything,” Huerta added, which again shows how this one sport brought so many people together for something truly crazy in the middle of a pandemic. And we DID THAT. Between all of the annoying and inconvenient protocols, the league got through an entire tournament with no positive COVID tests and a positive experience for us athletes. We were safe, and through all of it, the NWSL did a good job in ensuring that we were in a safe and comfortable space. There were some faulty WiFi hotel codes and suspect turkey meals, but overall, we were given the best opportunity to compete without jeopardizing our own health. Of course it was nerve-wracking to see non-NWSL people in the hotel lobbies or common spaces, but in the end, a lot of planning and thought went into a women's league and our season...which is pretty freaking cool.
In spending time with teammates there was a lot of time to collectively think about, and process the world that was going on outside of our bubble. Because we were the first sports league back in the country, it felt like there were a lot of eyes on us in response to the recent Black Lives Matter movement. Who was going to kneel during the National Anthem? Who was not going to kneel during the National Anthem? Were people being genuine in their actions? There’s so much pressure these days for people with a platform to do and say the right things at the right times. And being in the bubble really heightened a lot of those feelings and experiences for the Black women and women of color that represent the NWSL. While we were focused on managing the excitement that a soccer season holds, we also had to navigate the real trauma that so many people are facing in this country as conversations surrounding race, politics, sexuality and gender, and coronavirus continue permeating all spaces. Between the football team from Washington removing their racist name and mascot, and becoming the Washington Football Team, and watching events in places like Portland unfold, there was just a constant flow of exhausting things to acknowledge, celebrate, and discuss. For me, I felt so grateful to have access to genuine conversations -- both moderated and not -- with myself and my teammates. In all of that down time there was still a way to feel like our voices were heard.
"It was hard having this experience, harder than any other year we’ve had.” - Sofia Huerta
I would like to think that having such a confined space made it ~easier~ to think about things happening in a vacuum. In a “normal”, pre-COVID world, some of these situations and experiences would not have happened. Maybe we would not have had book club on our team. I’m not sure that everyone would have thought about social and political issues so much if it was a “normal” season. But throughout all of 2020, and as I’ve tackled in previous pieces, we have been stuck with a lot of our own thoughts this past year. And while that has been invasive and personal, it gave me the chance to formulate thoughts into real motivations for growth. Zee reflects on "stressors" and the inability to escape those when confined to one space like the bubble.
"One of the hardest parts for me was not having a way to get my mind off of stressors. There was nothing but time to think. To think about a wrong play, a bad practice, the pressure of losing, the next opponent, and of course being a black person in America." - Tziarra King
Maybe these stressors are the types of things that people on the outside of the bubble assume are suffocating us from within. As athletes we have a responsibility to perform on the field because it's our job. And every athlete, no matter what league it is, is dealing with a ton of things off the field or the court. But still, this situation is so amplified because we were basically put in a vacuum designed to shelter us from everything else.
On a large scale, from 2020 I think we will remember the turmoil and pain that a seismically damaging pandemic caused. On another large scale, political upheaval is at the forefront of many discussions. During the Challenge Cup, all of that was real and felt, but it was experienced from afar. It was so powerful to see how we as women and as athletes can use our voices for positive influence.
At the end of the day I believe, and like the other badass women I've quoted in this blog post have said, that having the opportunity to play and have competitive games is unbeatable. In briefly chatting with Estelle Johnson, a member of New Jersey's Sky Blue FC, she said, "The biggest positive of the bubble was having the opportunity to play some real matches. The games were definitely the biggest highlight." I mean, it's as simple as that.
On the field my experiences were so new. In my last post I reflect on adjusting to new roles and learning how to be a better teammate. I watched some of the best players in the world go after it on the field, giving their all for the small amount of time that was guaranteed in the tournament. When we were on the field, it didn't feel like there was a bubble, or that we were in that bubble because of COVID. We didn't talk about the pandemic every day, because we were living in a situation directly influenced by the pandemic. All we had, and all we needed, was the game.
In our quarterfinal match against the Chicago Red Stars, I felt that we were the better team. Not because I'm clearly biased, but because I saw a level of passion, desire and chemistry within a team that could be really, really, special moving forward. That type of feeling gets me so hype, because I have the opportunity to contribute and be a part of that going forward. There is always going to be a pre-COVID and a post-COVID world for people, but I was lucky enough to have experienced something that seemed so small, yet so strong, and survived during everything else.
I took about a week off from any type of training after the Challenge Cup, just to regroup and get back to the East Coast for a little break before we all get ready for a grudgingly long off-season until the 2021 season returns. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't absolutely thrilled to be out of that damn bubble. I definitely won't miss her, but I know she did her very best. To me, I think we'll look back on this moment in time and laugh, because even though we were out of our comfort zone and confined to a limited space, we got to have some semblance of normal. And we're going to be able to tell others that we stayed in one building for multiple weeks, didn't see our families, slept in hotel beds, and watched a lot of soccer, all because we love the game.
And now once again, it's like we're right back where we have spent most of 2020: alone. We are all separated from our teammates and keeping ourselves individually motivated as best we can. We get to see our families and spend some time "out" of the bubble, reflecting on the good and bad (but mostly good) that came out of the Challenge Cup. Now, what? Who knows, but the moments I was able to share with others leads me to believe that despite extenuating circumstances, we can choose our experiences and how they impact us, for better or for worse. Xo
Photo Credit:
1 - Dani Weatherholt
2 - Nils Clauson
3 - Nils Clauson
4 - Lauren Barnes
5 - Nils Clauson
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